Now as an intro..
I was having a discussion with a co-worker on some political issues...(mainly historical) and he used the word 'inculcate', I of course stopped him right there to find out what this meant..which he explained...and which I later verified (using the above link).
Ok..now to relate this to something which I have discussed with others in the past. Raising children, specifically relating religion and making sure that you (or others) in 'a church' (not necessarily LDS) force/coerce..etc...these young ones into believing what YOU and the OTHERS think they should. (click here for what I believe to be a worse case scenario..click on videos link..top right).
I have battled at times in the past with how as a child we sang songs...etc...etc...that 'guided' us (for lack of a better word at this point) to live a life as our elders/superiors...etc would have us live. I have discussed before how it (to me) seems almost to the point of brainwashing (scroll down to find definition) and I wonder to what extent we believe based on a song we sang over and over and over. I have been torn on the issue because although it usually isn't 'forced' on the children...it seemed to skirt that line...(kids like to sing, participate in activities etc.....) like I said it seems to 'skirt' the issue.
Now that this new word has been inducted into my vocabulary I feel that really what is happening is 'inculcation'. But...due to the nature of some parents it can come real close to brainwashing. Now..if you have read the dictionary description of these words..you will see that there is a very slight difference.....
Just because you believe that something is right/wrong... does this mean your children should too? Like I said it is a difficult topic because so much of the 'belief' here is in regions of faith and belief...not physical hard evidence. A child will do what the parents do because that is what they know. Many of us know such children who's parents raised them into lives of crime and drugs..now whether these parents believed they were right in this case...isn't up for discussion..as we don't really know...but you see my point?
Again do not post a 'defensive' comment. I am looking inspire you to think...and let me know your thoughts on the matter. More than anything I believe our children need guidance but at some point we have to let them choose..and help them reason things out for themselves. IF they so choose to not agree with our position...I believe we should allow them leniency to find their own way...and not force them to oblige because 'while your under my roof you will do what I say' mentality. I feel this stagnates spiritual and intellectual growth.
If you do your job right...giving them that rein when young...(realize I used the word rein..not run) and helping them reason through their decisions, your children 'should' have less issue's when older because they learned the lesson on a much smaller scale. (kinda like letting your kid crawl off the couch..knowing it will hurt them...rather than not being able to stop them from falling off a cliff because they didn't understand that a fall could hurt/kill them).
I believe that are society is going down the tube partly because they are doing one of two things...
- basically 'babysitting' their own children till they can be rid of them at 18
- forcing their child (through various methods) to do what they have decided is best for their child.
- How do you know when you have crossed that line and have taken that choice away from your child?
- What choices should NOT be left to a child...
- At what age would you feel your child should be allowed to choose for themselves to NOT participate in what YOU believe in?
- Would you be willing to let your child choose another route when they are still under your roof (with some restrictions of course...I am not talking deep end here...more along the lines of ... I don't want to go to church).
feel free to come up with other questions. We'll see were this goes..
Bloo out....
3 comments:
Intellesting. Um, well, I agree with you that you should work with children on some issues rather than TELLING them how to do what you want. However, there will be certain things that it will be the "under my house, my rule" sort of thing- especially when the child's choices will adversely affect his/her siblings who are still too young to choose for themselves about such a thing. For example, drug use- the child may be old enough to choose to do drugs, but it definitely will not be anywhere near my house and heck if he/she stays with me while under the influence, for the main reason that the other children who were too young to understand what it is really doing to their sibling may be adversely affected by it. However, on the issue of church, I think it depends on the situation. I say find out WHY your kid doesn't want to go to church. Is it because of problems with other kids/teachers, is it because they find it boring? Some of these things can be remedied fairly simply and we shouldn't freak out just because they say they don't want to go. I think that if it was because the child was confused on some issue (try to explain better) or just didn't agree with the beliefs, I would still say they come to church with the family at least once in a while, again because of the affect it could have on the smaller children. Anyways, I am an authoritative parent (reason with the child and not insist on COMPLETE obedience cause kids are going to be kids), rather than an authoritarian parent (forces children to obey, uses corporal punishment frequently to enforce obedience). Anyways, I think that it is inculcation when paired with an authoritative parent (notice that inculcation doesn't force the child to believe, but predisposes them to believe, much as some children are predisposed to be more likely to have addictions. It's brainwashing when paired with an authoritative parent.
so I know you posted this a long time ago but I just read it, so now I get to voice my opinion. I have talked and thought about in length the "brainwashing" issue because you don't want your kids to live there lives believing things soley because you said so, so how soon do you start teaching kids about beleifs cause are they really old enough to argue the point or understand that there is a choice, but I eventually came to the conclusion that if I am not teaching my children my beliefs then someone else is going to we can't protect our kids from hearing and learning beliefs until they are old enough to understand and make a choice so I would much rather teach or inculcate my children than have somebody else do it. Now I think that the rule in our house will probably be that if you live under our roof you will go to church with us this is something that we do together as a family and I would tell them that they don't have to listen or participate the only rule would be not to disrupt but there are some things that are family rules and you don't go against them. As in the LDS church a lot of the family rule are because we are church members but they aren't just church rules they are family rules and if you don't belive in God or the religion it doesn't matter you aren't keeping the rules at that point as a matter of religion but as a matter of respect to the people you live with. okay so there is my epistle I don't even know if you will read it since it was posted forever ago and I don't have a lot of standing since my 2 and 1 year olds don't give me a lot of grief yet on this subject but others have!
wow...glad I got two comments. I was curious what kind of converstions this post would spark...interesting...not as much as I thought it would.
It is a very tough topic...since no one wants to feel like they are brain washing thier kids...but at some point like Janelle stated... "if I am not teaching my children my beliefs then someone else is going to..."
So true...so really I think the hardest part is recognizing when our child is trying to make decisions...and try are best to support thier decisions even when we dont agree. This probably really doesnt take affect much when they are younger...but as they get older I think we should let the rein out little by little. This way (theoretically anyways...as I have only a 5yr old) they mistakes they will make will be relatively small..rather than big huge ones because we 'thought' for them...really this is the biggest thing...trying to 'teach' our children to think...not tell them what to think...then wonder why they go all bazonkers when they leave the house.
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