Alot of stuff gets my panties in a bunch...
But the one that really is a sore point with me...probably more so than most...and most likely because I am relatively powerless to eradicate the problem.....is the fact that I have a younger brother in prison for a crime he didn't commit.
Now....I did not say he did not commit a crime. I said 'for a crime he didn't commit'. I am angry at a system who does not look at the evidence and just slams you away so the public is satisfied at a time when the DA is up for re-election.
I am angry that the defense attorney was in cahoots with the prosecutor (and is well known for plea bargains)...and didn't give a shit about my brother or his situation.
I'm angry at my family for not stepping to the plate when he needed it most...specifically those living near to him. (and where old enough to know....that he needed someone to tell him what to do)
I am angry at his ex for screwing around on him (most likely while they were married) and not at the very least telling the cops that my brother didn't murder his child.
I am most of all...(unfortunately for me and my brother) angry at my brother because this is his fault. He did not have to stay in that dead beat town with dead beat friends and family (yes family). He did not have to get married to a nasty tramp. And to top it off......he could have listened to my advice and got a new defense attorney and fought since their was no evidence that my brother was the cause of the baby's death.
I believe he has guilt...he was a father and you do what it takes to take care of your child...I don't give a fuck that he didn't get along with my parents or trust hers...YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN.
But this does not indicate that he purposefully murdered his child.
Now..I do what I can at this point...I hope soon to at least have some direction to take. But...it is very frustrating...when you can not do a thing (mainly due to money) to help out a brother who has been in 10+ years now and isn't up for parole for another 7 years.
There is a myriad of things that went wrong in this whole scenario..but had a few people done what was right (mainly the parents of the parents)...the whole situation would be completely different. If you need clarification on any point....well I'm not going anywhere...I'm sitting the computer for 40days and 40 nights. HA HA....... NOT
Now...you know why I am angry
If interested in donating to his cause please visit this site I've setup.
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4 comments:
I don't think angry is the correct word here not even furious. I have been beyond that point for years now, the word i would use too describe my feelings would have been helplessness . But now it would be Debited we owe it too Ben not just as family but as his only help that he will receive. We MUST help Ben and we WILL help Ben . Even if money is tight i vow too give what i can, thanks for the link john
interesting name to the blog too.
Lots of good points. I think it pretty much mirrors what we all feel- I agree mostly with Nathaniel tho- helplessness. I know that its not true because there is always something you can do but the things that I WANT to do- like get him out of there- thats the helplessness I feel...the kind of helplessness that makes you sick to your stomach. Thanks for setting the site up so we can help Ben tho, I really appreciate it- anything, even if its just money, I want to do it.
wow..wow...i have a lot of anger towards Ben right now and i know i need to let it go...i have a hard time with the person we was and now the changed person he is. It is all to different for me. I have been wanting to write him a letter for months now and fail to each time because i dont want him to analyze me and tell me that i write too hard on the paper and that means that i am too stressed or that i am not happy with myself. i know everyone else loves that way he tells you things, but me, i just want a brother to be honest but not tell me how my life needs to be, he doesnt even know me. i want him to know me, but not to analyze everything i write and tell me something is wrong in my life because of the way or format that i wrote the letter. it has been over two years since i have written him. i dont think Nate really even knows who Ben is...i guess i just need to find the courage. I do understand that he was screwed up and his life was a complete disaster, but that is the life he chose...not to mention that is the life everyone let him choose(well almost everyone in Rexburg). We all make our mistakes, it is just that i dont think Ben had anyone to turn to like i did or anyone else in this family. i dont know...i hate to think about it and everyone views Ben differently--as a cute little brother, best friend, or stranger...i do think no matter how we feel, all in all, we will do what we can because he is family.
Its interesting the comments I see. I think my 'speaking' style can be overpowering...and I probably say way too much of what's on my mind...so in this blog...if you don't get a point..you can re-read it until you understand. I think I have gotten more back from this blog entry...than I have in the past talking.
I think the biggest problem is the helplessness that we feel is...well to say the least...hard to face. We need to fight this. It is the main reason I haven't done much except when it was necessary. Mainly because I do not like feeling helpless and this situation creates that. So if we can focus on one aspect in which we are not helpless (donating) we can than ope n up the opportunities to do a few more things. Its all about connections after that. I am working on a couple..but although Ben's freedom is of huge importance to me..I will not sacrifice my family's future for his freedom. But it takes a very close second. Part of why I am trying to obtain a higher financial status in life is so it will be easier to afford representation as well as assist him when he is out re-acclimate himself to society.
Toosure....you should tell him how that visit affected you. He doesn't have much to do in there but think and unfortunately you visited at a time when his own anger issues were being dealt with and conquered. It is not unlike when a missionary goes out and is excited to let the whole world know how they feel and what made them feel this way. He was in this mode because of his own discoveries. Many a missionary has offended member and non-member alike in their zeal. He will understand...
I disagree with what he did especially when it was your first visit in years.
Let him know..
For everyone: its time to stand up and support him as a single unit rather than hit and miss single family members.
GO TEAM!! LOL
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